Anyone dealing alcohol affected children knows that they have good days and bad days. Lately it seems that Paul has been having nothing but bad days. Monday night he had a meltdown because it was time for his shower and he wanted to watch TV. I was giving the baby his bedtime bottle when it started. Before going in for the feeding I warned Paul that it was shower night and that he only had 10 minutes before shower time. From my seat in the baby’s room I heard Jen tell him that it was time to jump in the shower. He dusted off the old “I don’t have to, I had a shower yesterday”. Although Yesterday was actually shower night, he missed because we took the kids to see some fireworks. This was pointed out to him but he didn’t care. In the minute it took Jack to finish his bottle Paul went from talking back to Jen to being down right rude. After telling her that he didn’t care what she said he wasn’t going to have a shower, he yelled “I just want to watch TV!” as he went into his room and slammed the door. Done with the baby I when to his room, opened the door, and calmly told him that the way he was acting made me want to take TV away from him forever.

I’m not sure if it was what I said or how calm I was when I said it, but he stopped arguing and jumped in the shower. Unfortunately this didn’t really curb his attitude. Because of my shift work I haven’t been around much lately but I have been regaled with tales of the things that have been coming out of his mouth. The bad stretch has been so long that we can’t remember his last good day.

Maybe tomorrow…

~Living With Paul

We attended a workshop for people dealing with adolescents with FASD last night. During the workshop the presenter kept mentioning how parts of these children are lagging behind. Paul’s ability to function when he is tired, hungry or stressed is functioning at about a 2-4 year olds level. He will become sullen and almost unbearable. He started a fight over ice cream the other night when he was tired. He was supposed to be making his lunch but he wanted ice cream. We knew that he didn’t have a very good sleep the night before and had been seeing the warning signs all evening. We told Paul that he couldn’t have ice cream because he had been playing video games instead of making his lunch and didn’t have time. He responded by stomping his feet, sticking out his lip and crying “I don’t wanna make my lunch! I want ICE CREAM!” I think that if anyone could here the exchange that followed with out seeing Paul would have thought we were dealing with a toddler. Allot of Paul’s words were muffled by sobbing. We finally ended up telling him that he was tired and needed to go to sleep. The next day probable would have been the same if Paul hadn’t been more rested. Again he waited until it was time to make his lunch and hop in the shower before he asked for ice cream. Because he was rested and better able to cope he accepted “If there is time when you have done everything you can have ice cream”.

It is amazing what a difference a little extra sleep makes with Paul.

~Living with Paul

Every year we put Paul in baseball.  He seemed to enjoy it, but two years ago we got a bad coach.  One of the super competitive ones, that didn’t seem to realize that most of the team had never played before.  At the end of the season when they lost the city finals he cancelled the windup.  So last year we had to drag Paul literally kicking and screaming to play, the year before had been such a bad experience that he didn’t want to do it ever again.

The season started out as expected, by evening his Concerta had worn off and he couldn’t focus.  He was the kid standing in the field throwing rocks at other players.  Not in a mean way, they were playing but he was distracting the rest of the team.  We talked to his doctor and decided to give him a supplemental Ritalin in the evening.  It was a night and day difference, half way through the season he was awarded the Zach Finch award.  This is the MVP on a team as voted by the coaches of the other teams.

Monday night Paul had his first game, and struggled to concentrate.  He knows that something was different last year but couldn’t remember what it was.  He seemed to be in the game, but after the game he told me that he couldn’t focus on the game because he was trying so hard to focus on the game.  Winning that award was a huge boost for him, and the first time we have ever seen him proud of himself.  Which for us is more important than if his team wins.  That’s what was missing the first year, a sense of pride.  Last year they made it all the way to the last game and lost.  They had fun and a windup, and laughed about how well they had played as a team.

Thank you to all the coaches out there that remember what the game is about.

~Living with Paul

Paul was watching TV today and saw the house hippo commercial. He ate it right up and before the commercial got to the part where it tells people that they need to think about what they see on TV, he said “I didn’t know there were house hippos”. This was a nice validation of how closely we watch what he watches and the games that he plays. In addition to limiting his time we have to keep an eye on the content and the message it contains. He is learning what we will say no to so there haven’t been any arguments yet, but we do try to steer him towards games and shows that are geared for younger children.

I think that its an interesting situation to be in, as I grew up listening to “objectionable” music, playing violent games, and watching TV and movies that were definitely not age appropriate. I always thought that as long as I took the time to teach my kids the difference between reality and fantasy or right and wrong I wouldn’t grow up to be one of those parents that checks everything their kids do. Paul’s ability to tell the difference between reality and fantasy or to choose between right and wrong is questionable. He has often admitting to doing wrong even though he knew it was wrong “just because he wanted to”. This evidenced itself last week when he went to his sister’s choir cabaret. He kept putting paper on top of the candle on the table even after he was told that it would catch on fire. Our friend, who had gone along to help Jen with the kids because I was working nights, had to blow the candle out. She even had to take the candle away because he started pouring the wax on the table. She compared the experience to dealing with a baby, because it didn’t matter how many times she told him no the word just didn’t mean anything.

~Living with Paul